We're not sure if Maddie owns a burn book - but if she did, our very own 'Mean Girl' would probably have plenty of entries to make... *shudders*
Valentine's Day. Some people are so desperate to receive a superficial validation of love. I mean, I was happy when Callum surprised me with his gift - but it's not like I needed one or anything.
Did you see Bart's message to Sinead? Seriously?! How crash. And it made her sound like such a tart to the whole Village, how embarrassing! I'd of died if someone did that to me, but I'm sure when Bart was with me he wouldn't have made such a huge error of judgement. Choose cheap and you will become cheap, if you get my drift...
And while I'm on the topic of Valentines, let me disclose a piece of advice to you all: PDAs (public displays of affection) are so not right. If you glean nothing else but this from today's entry then I will sleep soundly tonight knowing I have made the world a better place.
When Jono snogged that school-girl in front of everyone I nearly vommed straight on the floor. Thank God I'd opted for the extra-light Ceasar Salad for lunch. Things could have got really messy and those shoes were designer. And mark my words, I would NOT have been responsible for my actions if they incurred any vom stains.
All this week Nancy has been flapping about the village looking for that buffoon she's inexplicably engaged to. Er, chasing after your man: HOW cringeworthy (do you see me losing sleep over Callum's constant no shows? Though I can assure you his disobedience HAS been noted and he WILL pay).
Unlike poor unfortunate Nancy I have no problem getting others to do what I want. Take Neil, for instance (a sweetie, but not the sharpest stiletto in the wardrobe). When he was refusing to drive us to Tecknival all I had to do was 1: Tilt my head, 2: Grab his collar, 3: Tap him on the nose - all in a cool-yet-flirty-yet-unobtainable manner that is so totally moi and he was putty in my hands*.
TOO EASY. Sometimes it can be boring being this fabulous....
*With hindsight, given how our trip to Tecknival turned out, my efforts were wasted - but then I cannot be held responsible for the failures of others. And, yes, "We're in Narnia" is a thing, people. Accept it.
I saw a new guy earlier this week in Price Slice. Rumour has it he's come all the way from Australia - although it is totally beyond me why anyone would travel half way across the world to live in Hollyoaks. I mean, what can he possible like about this scrubby little Village? I'll be on a one-way flight to New York (First-Class, Champagne, Vogue magazine...) like, as soon as.
I digress. He was all: "Hey! Nice to meet you!" G'day, g'day, I'm so perfect, g'day. I mean, I'm totally up for partaking in a bit of social climbing, but I can only assume that all the Australian sunshine has gone to his head.
He was dishing out his Aussie charm all over the Village, Ste and Amy are following him round like lost puppies, it's pathetic. I was momentarily tempted to bang their heads together, but saw how much hair product Ste was sporting and reconsidered...
On Monday I was fashionably late for College when I saw such a sight. Mercedes hobbling through the Village, looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. There was no way that bed-head look was deliberate... She didn't even have her shoes on, clearly a walk of shame.
Look at Nancy’s attempt at a statement hat this week. Honestly, it’s SO embarrassing when old people try to be on trend – remember that old skank Tara?
Of course I pioneered the statement hat look last year. Stylish. Understated. Totes appropriate to wear to a WAG murder scene. Rat in a Tracksuit aka Gaz Bennett was so overwhelmed he tried to kiss me - Like, HE WISHED (BTW – how easy was it for me to get Sinead to go out with him? Ha!)
Next time I see her I might offer Nancy some accessory advice. #HelptheAged. Or maybe not. Whatever provides most amusement at the time. Wonder what monstrosity I could get Sinead to wear? One for the future methinks...
Keep it real babes... xoxo
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