Lee got a bus at 5:30pm yesterday. He’s off to Nha Trang after booking a 13 hour road trip. Lindsay opted to go by train the day before, but the smart-ass forgot to book a ticket – completely putting his ill placed faith in the “chill-Lee-we’re-on-holiday-everything-will-be-fine” attitude.
Needless to say, all trains are fully loaded with people and he can’t leave Hoi An until today (Monday – and, 3 days later than he had originally planned) which means that his St. Paddy’s Day celebrations will be spent lying vertically on a crowded, hot and sweaty bus. Whoops.
Hoi An is a beautiful little place and Lindsay has an extra day to appreciate it – all alone with no pals. The French influence is everywhere – from the old ruined-looking buildings to the amazing assortment and variety of fantastic food and perhaps more importantly, cheap beer.
Situated on the east coast of the central belt of Vietnam – it’s nice to be back near a beach. The sun has been shining with glorious heat and so, Lee’s got a nice tan. Lindsay’s pinker than a boiled lobster. A word of advice here, don’t be like us (tight Scottish buggers).
We thought that we could train the skin of our bodies to absorb the suns browning UV rays without any aid or protection of suntan lotion – thus saving us Pounds, Rupees, Baht, Dong and every other currency. Lindsay’s arms, back, shoulders, ankles, legs, neck and face have a different point of view now and random muscle spasms occur every time he walks past a pharmacy or stall offering Factors 40 and above – his arms and hands freakily reaching out involuntarily to grab a bottle.
This place is surprisingly rather touristy – there’s an amazingly huge outdoor market with street vendors selling everything from fresh fruit to live monstrously-sized fish and the streets are chocablock full of possibly the cheapest and snazziest tailor shops. Sadly for us, we’ll never experience the luxury of having our temples of bodies measured for a tailor-made suit – mainly because we refuse to spend money on anything other than the necessities of life... beer.
The other day Lindsay bumped into 4 Irish lads that we met up with in Vang Vieng. Walking down the street, minding his own business and breathing in the warm and clean air – his tranquil state was rudely interrupted by some Corkian blaring at the top of his voice “WATER!”.
You see, after the day of tubing in Vang Vieng, Lindsay opted to stay out a little while longer and ventured up to a little pub called the Smile Bar next to the beautiful river. Not breaking from the norm – he consumed copious amounts of alcohol before his body refused to take any more. Boringly but responsibly, Lindsay began to purchase bottles of water – trading mother nature's sweet amber nectar for a factory’s tap produce.
This is apparently frowned upon in Ireland and so, these fellow Celts decided to call him Water whenever they saw him. We appreciate this is an incredibly boring and crap story – but, we had to give the lads a mention, as on meeting them a thousand miles away in a different country they decided to present themselves as the other elements;
Here we have Earth (sitting), Wind (blowing), Water (swishing) and Fire (for some reason flexing its muscles). And because we were one extra, the other Irish lad decided to be… Love. Obviously.
Lindsay nearly pulled but the gal told him after this picture was taken that he was too old for her. Bugger;
Last night we took a break from not drinking and decided to hit the pubs. The day started as it meant to go on really. Lindsay (who’s staying 82 seconds from the centre of town) went to collect his big brother who stayed in a hotel about 20 minutes from the centre of town.
The two of us went to the beach, which (unlike all the maps and the hotels say) isn’t 5 minutes from the centre of town, but 15 minutes (by taxi). We soaked up some skin cancer and downed 5 beer Saigon’s each. Lovely.
5 hours later, we headed back to our respective accommodations and had a quick wash and changed for an evening meal. One further beer each and the worst “steak” you’ve ever seen later and we decided to go to “Before and Now” which is Hoi An’s must-do backpackers bar.
Happy Hour! Booyackasha! But we only had 20 minutes to make the most of the buy-one-get-one-free Gin and Tonics. 6 were ordered and so we had 12 between us. Mix this with free pool and a German lad by the name of Dave (a pool wizard) and we had the time of our lives! Dave just seemed confused at the idiocracy we were constantly displaying – every time he produced another wonder shot, we’d simultaneously combust into shouts of “Dave!” and “Davie!” and “Davey Boy!” – we loved him – but looking back, we were incredibly drunk.
Word spread of a beach party going on and so at about 2am we left the bar and headed off in a taxi. If you’re ever fortunate enough to visit Hoi An, don’t be unfortunate enough to find yourself at this beach “party”. When we turned up, we doubled the number of party goers and so, quickly left and returned back to Before and Now (which is on one of the side streets near to the river in town).
A couple more beers were ordered and word spread of another beach party going on. So, at about 3am Lindsay left the bar and headed off in a taxi. Lee decided to call it a day and went home to bed (girly-boy).
Here’s a random picture of some cows drinking out of a puddle – cute.
Lindsay latched on to a group of about 6 English lads and so, when they all turned up, they yet again, doubled the number of party goers. Lessons can never be learned whilst under the influence of evil alcohol.
6am came and so Lindsay went. Rising 5 hours later to collect Lee and spend another day at Hoi An’s beautiful long beach. This time – no mention of alcohol was made, never mind purchased or consumed.
Still suffering a now mild hangover – Lindsay’s sitting on his tod at the Re-Treat restaurant on the Tran Hung Dao Road or Street or Avenue which is 42 seconds down the road from his hotel. It’s 20:17pm and it’s a lovely and calm evening with only two imperfections tainting it.
1) Lindsay has no friends and so everyone’s looking at him, pitying the sad bugger who has to resort to typing things on a laptop to detract from his sadness of being lonely and
2) his ankles are being ripped to shreds by b*stard mosquitos and he’s very itchy.
Lee on the other hand, is enjoying the smooth motions of his sleeper bus as it dances with the bendy roads and slight inclines and declines of a few hills here and there.
Since we've been away, there's been a few articles written about our epic adventure in some UK newspapers, magazines and on some websites. We've been recommended to put a bit of legal rubbish here regarding all this and so; If any person or company wants to publish anything relating to this site and/or our travels, please contact us first to authorise permission - Cheers.
Anyhoo, we'd like to say a well done and thanks to Scottish Health News - even if they've painted a whiter than white picture of us (obviously haven't fully read our journals) we appreciate the nicey-nice article;
Oh - we've updated the journal entry for the 4th of March. There's now loads of pictures of the Challenges (cheers Mark) and we've added in more writing so read it again and laugh, squirm or cry, but most importantly, enjoy!
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