101 Challenges:

Location: Penang - Malaysia

Today we completed the Bridge Racer Challenge. This was our first challenge in Malaysia and was set by Bobby Day who is obviously a very cruel and evil person. Only joking Bobby, this was a true challenge. To put it simply you nearly killed us.

We had to race each other across the Penang bridge which links the island to the mainland. This is no normal bridge it is one of the largest in the world, it is even slightly longer than Ron Jeremy, but maybe less girth.

The challenge was not simply a hike your skirt up and run this was a true 101 Challenge race involving as you would imagine Hula Hoops, Space Hoppers, Skipping Ropes and of course juggling Balls. The race was split into four events due to the apparatus being used.

We will not divulge the race winner but will describe the race. Picture it, 54 degrees! Okay maybe not but it felt like it. So it was 34 degrees, exhaust fumes constantly being inhaled Space Hopper placed between the legs, a quick glance and snarl passed between brothers who never want to lose at anything to each other and then ready, steady, GO.

With a burst of speed that would blow away most F1 drivers we covered the first 2 metres and then the agony of what was to follow was evident. The calves swelled and grew so big they were almost cows. Our body temperature climbed at a rate that would normally have you spend some time in intensive care and the sweat flowed off us, falling over the bridge with such ferocity that the low ands were in danger of flooding.

The first 20 meters were quite equal with us both wanting to out do each other and each having a share of the lead. Racing across this bridge in this manner  and seeing the bridge continue on into the horizon is not a pleasant feeling. In fact you can only appreciate and enjoy its magnificent length if you are a) taking a picture b) flying across it c) just received the contract for painting it (that must be worth a bob or two) or d) you’re a gloating Ron Jeremy.

By about 50 meters one of us had collapsed and was now vomiting into the gutter. Still the race had to go on and so it did with the vomiting continuing every 50 metres. The other brother vanished into the distance with eloquent bounces of the Space Hopper and crossed the first finishing line.

Onto the Hula Hoops, and despite both of us getting some sort of spinning going on (mostly by cheating) the pain in our legs was killing us. WTF (W equals why) did we start with Space Hoppers we both wondered. We both walked like we were competing in one of those fast walking races where the hips move like they are out of joint on the participants, except our hips were now out of joint which actually helped us with our Hula Hoop technique, blessings in disguise!

The Hula Hoops thankfully passed with a clear winner delighted with himself and mocking his brother to such an extent that the gauntlet was surely thrown down. With no time to stop at the bar on the middle of the bridge with the free beer and naked ladies promising sexual pleasures unbeknown to Scotsmen it was onto the skipping. Before we continue, please do not be booking flights to Penang and head to this bar as on our return the next day it was evident that this had been a mirage.

Note to selves……If ever seeing such a mirage again be sure to enter get hammered and find out what the sexual pleasures are that we don’t know about.

The skipping rope was the easiest of the four part challenge as both of us used to do this at school. Lee thought he had more practice at the girlie things in life and was sure to win but with his brother being named Lindsay he should have known better.

And so eventually it was onto the juggling part. It was quite apt as most of the passers by must have been thinking we were clowns. So with our balls in our hands we tossed them as fast as we could and headed with great pleasure to our finish line. What a climax. One had finished before the other as is usually the case and a winner was declared. To be fair the loser didn’t give a toss and the winner wasn’t all that excited after 5 minutes had passed, all we wanted to do was lie down and sleep, again as usually is the case.