101 Challenges:

On the 5th January we were given our first kick up the ass by “The People” back home. Thankfully it was just a kick by our producer friend Mark – God help us if the EFG was to slap our asses with those huge hands! We’d be knocked into next Wednesday.

And so the first of the major planning begins. As we’ve mentioned 274 times on this site, hopefully, some of the Challenges we’ll be doing will be shown on the telly.

Mark comes out to play with us on the 12th of this month. After an initiation test (probably involving a turnip and some lube) we’ll let him into our gang. The last time we saw him he stuck a big black hard thing in our faces and made Lindsay strip half naked and lie in bed. Mummy warned us about men like him. She says we should go to the Police.

We’ve spoken to a few people and, if all goes to plan, we’ll be doing the “Yoga Yarn” and “Ring Of Fire” Challenges on the 14th. Then, and this is the bit Lindsay is absolutely crapping himself over, on the 15th we have to wake up at 6am and head off for “Crazy Canyoning”.

Lee foolishly entrusted Lindsay to organise this one and Lindsay being the naïve, clueless, and gullible forever trusting soul that he is, simply went up to a sign advertising canyoning trips and went to speak to the organiser.

Never having jumped off anything other than a wagon, Lindsay couldn’t comprehend or calculate the latitude of some of the jumps we’ll be doing.

Emmanuelle, our soon-to-be guide, asked what it was we were looking for. Lindsay replied with “crazy canyoning – the crazier the better!” He’s promised not to kill us but, the way Lee keeps on breaking bones, cutting himself and tearing ligaments (all whilst manouvering between our co-co-hut and the beach which is literally 30 metres away, we’re now both a bit worried.

After these Challenges we plan to head Southwards to Kerala and meet up with our great friend Graham Bishop who does a lot of work for charidee down there. He’s brilliantly offered to help us with a couple of challenges. We’re both looking forward to seeing this part of India but not looking forward to the 30 hour train journey that we have to take to get there.

Back to where we are today now.

Last night, the candle of the boys bodies, hearts and souls melted away after being burned at both ends - and in the middle. We went to bed at 11pm which is rather unusual for us little party pumpkins. Bless.

In our defence, we’ve genuinely been living-it-large for the past week or so and as a result of this self-inflicted torture, our bodies have just collapsed. Earlier on we had dinner on the beach and hardly spoke a word to each other. To any other restaurant guests, it may have looked like we were having a lovers tiff – not once did we even look at each other. But we came home, after only managing half of our meal (confusingly, Lindsay hasn’t lost any weight) and cuddled each other to sleep. There’s nothing better than having a strong man cradling you in his arms as you fall into blissful dreams – women think – and Lee.

We’ve just been invited to a fancy dress party so bugger this journal. We’re off to prepare!