101 Challenges:

Location: Cochin, Kerala

Had a great night's sleep despite the intense heat that engulfed our bedroom. Hot as Hell it was (was this an omen? If so, I didn’t recognise it as one) but I just soaked up the heat and the calming sounds of the backwaters. The beauty of it all, being just one of the many fantastic experiences over this (just started) year.

I woke up first and didn’t bother with a shower. I simply headed to the top deck. I was wearing only my green fisher-man trousers and I felt them softly flap in the gentle whispering of the morning breeze. I stood there, shooing the mist away from the golden oak wooden floors.

A deck chair beckoned me to rest upon its sturdy bamboo structure. Its arms seemed a lot bigger than they were yesterday. In fact, they appeared to be outstretched, ready to snuggle me as a mother would her child. And so, I rested on the chair, and it did feel like a hug. I was calm, I was at one with the World. I was at peace.

Whilst sat there, my soul lifted up through the bone, muscle, blood and tissue of my mere vehicle of a body. I was now looking down at myself. I had left my body, yet my body had not passed away.

My heart still pumped, there was still colour in my cheeks and the smile on my face remained. I was free. Free of thought, free of worry, free of pain, free of wants, needs and desires. I soared above my body and I felt like I belonged to something much more powerful and beautiful than I could ever comprehend.

Then suddenly, I was back in my body. Now alert and sitting upright in the chair. The chair, which was so loving just minutes before, now looked like a chair - nothing more nothing less.

I felt fear creep into my mind. I felt like crying. Something bad had just entered the world. My world. Deep inside me, I hear a voice. It’s talking to me. The words and language is indecipherable, but, I know what it’s trying to tell me.

“Be strong Lee. Be prepared to fight if you have to, but above all, keep to the light.” I didn’t recognise. It wasn’t the voice I use when talking to myself. It was a soothing and reassuring voice - I knew it to be good.

The feeling is too overwhelming for me and it starts to flood me from inside. It begins to leak out of my mouth, eyes, nose, and ears. I begin to see the celestial power attaching itself to and cover everything around in the brightest of light. Then The Voice spoke again, this time perfectly audible and I now realise who it is. “Spread the light Lee, spread the light” it says as the last word echoes for what seems a lifetime.

Then I see it. It looks like him, but he is surrounded by darkness and does not seem his usual self. Despite not a spoken word or a gesture, I feel that something evil has crept its way in to him.

Like my celestial power surge (but a dark one) it too is trying to spread. As he clambers his way up the staircase, black matter is left where his feet have tread and his hands adorned the railings. It is him. It is premenstrual Lindsay

And so he shouts “So were still parked here then? Cant be bloody far from the start then can we?” and goes on to roar “Bloody square. I bloody knew it”. Unstoppable, he continues “I knew there would be nothing round that corner but the car park for this bloody boat and the 30000 other bloody boats that are on this square roundabout”. He went on and on, and I tried to block him out.

Each one of these statements or rhetorical questions was interrupted with the odd snarl and grunt. They started softly enough, but I was aware that they were growing louder and heavier as the ranting continued.

As all this was happening, I could see the dark plague of a cloud in which he was cocooned stretching out and slowly but surely gluing itself onto nearby things. Like the grunts and snarls, it too was growing.

Breakfast was called and I headed downstairs first. I placed myself at the table with the serene beauty of the boats gently swaying. I waved to other passengers on other boats and watched the hustle and bustle of the crew as they made great efforts to create an enjoyable meal for us.

The breakfast, as in with most things that morning (with one evil exception) looked divine.  The coffee aroma mixing with the sweet smells of the land, entwined like passionate lovers. As I inhaled this sweet sexual delight, a cold acidic gust blew in quickly, followed by darkened air. Somewhere in the middle he was there.

It sat down beside me. Instantly the celestial aura that cradled me was at war with the demonic mass that encompassed him. Was this the time I was to be strong? Was this the time I would have to be prepared to fight.

Then  came back and calmly told me “Not now Lee. He is too strong and he is growing. You have to be patient. Before going to war, you have to make sure your army is strong and prepared. At this moment you are not strong enough Lee. But the celestial force you keep going on about within you, is still growing. Believe Lee, believe” and again it echoed a few times before tailoring off. 

I moved over to the far corner of the table and watched as the infectious manifestation took hold of where I had just sat. The coffee no longer mixed seductively with the smell of the land.

There was only one smell. Its stench was offending me and began to bug my happiness. The repulsive odour was rising and engulfing everything around it. It too was trying to suck anything it could grab into the darkness - but I remain distant.

I tell Lindsay he has bad B.O and I am about to tell him about his satanic state but I stop short. As I commented on the B.O, the evil mass flared as the fires of Hell do and then settled back. The mass had grown due to my negative but nonetheless true comment.

So, instead of feeding the evilness with another negative comment, I hit him with “Your hair looks great”. He growls and snorts wildly. It is obvious he does not want any good today. It is also obvious that when I said something nice and fluffy, the darkness calmed ever so slightly. Again I grow.

We depart the boat with me merrily skipping along the side of the banks - humming “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone and we then make our way to a Tuc-Tuc. All the way the grunting and groaning continues and I’m sure I hear the first signs of sulking. Yep – it’s scuffling his feet.

I wave to everybody we pass. In turn, they all wave and shout “Hi” to me. I then jumped in the Tuc-Tuc and smiled to the driver. I enjoy the smile I am given in return  as I watch the celestial force massage his shoulders tenderly. The loving light is just about to envelop the driver when premenstrual, snarling, growling, and sulking Lindsay jumps in. I’m just about to ask the smiling driver how much to the bus station but it’s too late.

Lindsay has caught his stare and the darkness, rather than massaging the friendly driver, looks as if it’s strangling the poor man. As the evil grows, Lindsay demands “How much to the bus station?”. He did use only those simple and otherwise innocent words but, with the tone and hatred in his voice, he may well have said “Your Mother's a whore”. So, 50 Rupees is quoted. Bargain!

After a nice and quick ride, we arrive at the bus station. Not too soon I may add, as the stench and darkness is eating away at the seats on which we were sat. I smiled and said thanks to the driver, but no smile back this time. The driver is now wearing a cloak of darkness. It’s too late for him and I feel a deep sadness that I was unable to stop the spread of the demonic mass.

Again I hear . “Look at this as a battle lost. Lessons can be learned, and the war can still be won” and then it left me abruptly, with no echo at the end. I liked that soothing echo.

The bus arrives quickly as if some greater power had sent it directly to us. With this divine intervention - I grew.  The bus was busy with people storing their bags and settling themselves into their seats. Watching them for a second I notice that they too have the celestial power around them but, it’s not as strong as mine - which has grown thanks to “” and my ongoing learning and self-realisations.

I sat down in one of the last two seats on the bus and I hear it pounding up the three small steps into the bus. Here he comes again. Argh, snort, grrrrrr, snort, scuff, scuff. I’m sure I feel the bus shake as he sits down. I imagine that this is not due to his weight but from the conflict of celestial-ness of the bus coming in contact with this beast’s evil presence.

The journey passed quickly but a little disturbingly. For the first half hour I watched the celestial force of people on the bus darken and listened to the grunting of the beast beside me growing louder. Then I remembered the lesson I learnt.

This was a battle, not a war. So I closed my eyes and performed an inner chant until reaching Cochin. There we departed and I watched the bus pull away puffing and spluttering black fumes (not just from the exhaust) into the distance.

After another repeat of the Tuc-Tuc episode earlier that day, we are dropped off at the train station. We get straight to the box and buy two tickets to Pondicherry. The smiling clerk gives us general tickets as that’s all that’s left and I get all excited. I can’t wait to meet the real people of India in the class for the masses. It got even better as the train did not depart until 22:15 that evening. This gave me ample time to explore the wonderful delights of Cochin.

Then the grunting and snorting jumped up many a decibel and all sorts of profound comments were spewed out about seats and times. I face the beast and stretch my smile so wide that it must have looked like really bad plastic surgery and chirp “Cheer up my dear brother. I will make this day good. I will make you feel good. All will be good”. Grunting and snorting, the evil bugger tries to claw at me.

Then, it keeps on calling me. “Save Lindsay, save the world” and this time, it thankfully echoes at the end. I grow and now know it’s time to wage war. The beast shall not win. It can not win. Today, Good will prevail.

I lead the way into town and suggest we buy the Lonely Planet to aid us on where we could go and what we could expect when we get there. It would also help us get the most out of the beautiful and joyous Cochin. Again, as we walk I am at the front smiling and saying hi to everyone we pass. They all smile and nod their heads side to side like the Indians do and it makes me happy.

Behind me, the snarls and the groans are only too forthcoming. I think of the people I have passed who were smiling and saying hi being grunted at and attacked by the black virus surely removing their heavenly smiles. I hope I can stop this evil from becoming epidemic.

The beast demanded a quicker exit out of Cochin and started to look at buses at 800 Rupees each. He wanted me to react – by starting an argument he could attack my celestial force with his weapons of negativity, anguish, despair and hatred. I kept cool and followed him from shop to shop looking at alternatives. There were none and the Scottish beast could not commit to spending any cash.

The beast mistakenly thought this later departure by train would induce him to grow using the bitterness of not having a quicker getaway than he had wanted. What actually happened was more good feeling. The Scottish beast had just saved another few hundred Rupees. The beast tries hard to vanquish the good from his now contorting body but the struggle is there for all to see and the darkness is in remission.

Never mind feel victory I could taste it. It tasted sweeter than the coffee would have done in the morning had I been allowed to sample its elegance. By just keeping him away from badness I would surely get rid of the beast that had manifested itself within Lindsay. I would have my brother back.

Brilliant! I find a Lonely Planet and as I’m about to purchase it the beast denies me this liberty – based purely on cost. A mere 1080 rupees. About to debate the stupidity of his reluctance, I remember the war-philosophy and say “Dear brother. For you I will enquire where we can get second hand books. Not only will you pay less, but brother, you shall be helping this beautiful planet by recycling”.

He does not like this “save the planet” malarkey but he can not resist the allure of spending less money. I am told of such a shop and beckon him to follow. He grunts and stubbornly obliges. The darkness disperses ever so slightly.

The book shop is found without any real ordeal, but from the grunts coming behind me it sounded like the small trip was pure hell and the beast savoured up all the badness he could find to help him grow.

Chirpier than ever, I declare to him that there are no Lonely Planets but they do have something similar, called Footprint. What’s more - it’s only 150 Rupees. I really want to admit I want the Lonely Planet but I don’t want to play into the demons hands.

The book is bought and although the beast grunts and snarls, I know this is a small victory for good. A beast he may be, but a Scots beast he truly is, and the thought of only spending 150 Rupees compared to the alternative made him feel good. Good is the beasts bad and he tries to put this disgusting good feeling to the back of his mind and snarls. I notice the darkness has shrunk a little more.

We headed for lunch - to savour some of the delightful Indian cuisine and great service which go hand and hand with each other. The beast is not as strong as he had been earlier. His ability to darken things has somewhat diminished. He still snorts and growls but his overall breathing seems hardened and you can tell he needs more badness.

Just as I could see the end of the war was almost within reach, it’s gone again. The waiter brings back a damaged note that he won’t take. I could see the waiter had the dark plague too. It was as if the devil himself had sent Lindsay a gift, a gift of nourishment.

This replenished the beast and he fed from the waiter’s darkness by arguing and demanding all money back including a tip I had insisted upon leaving. I could not stop myself from asking where was ? Where was my help? Had I been abandoned in this time of need?

Lindsay gave new notes for to cover the bill, minus the tip. He then half growled/half laughed, and walked out. Again the beast had experienced a good feeling, the same feeling as saving money earlier. The dark storm calmed again and I sensed victory calling me. Although I didn’t know where it was calling me from, I knew I would find it. It was simple. All I had to do was keep giving out good.

Not long until the time of departure and so, I suggest that we go to an Internet café and book flights to Thailand. The beast’s darkness faded even lighter. This clearly made him feel happiness, and happiness is an antibiotic against darkness.

As he searched the flights I was sat back and watched as the goodness began to fight bare fisted with the remaining darkness which now, barely surrounded my brother. Victory was in sight.

Oh my God. I had been so overly confident I let my guard down. The darkness capitalised on my defensive blunder and flared up bigger than ever. It began to shout about the price of tickets going up and screamed on about how I should have booked days ago.

The venom of evil that circled the room was overbearing and it snatched and pulled at my celestial force - tearing it away from me, ripping at my flesh. The pain was intense and so, I had to back out of the shop. The beast was becoming stronger again and I had been weakened. The beast grew. Having to spend more money on flights fuelled his need for all things bad.

I stood there motionless outside the shop. Startled and dumbfounded. I had been so close to victory and now I was so close to defeat. Then it came to me, I realised that the beast had made a terrible mistake. So, with no energy left, I practically crawled back into the shop. The darkness clustered together and then launched itself at me for what it thought would be a fatal blow. The beast’s eyes were red as he commenced his final attack.

Using what little energy I had I managed to gasp, I quivered “The ticket price was for two. They have not gone up”. As the word “up” had left my lips, the darkness had already reached my throat and was about to squeeze. All of a sudden the Scottish beast must have realised that it would not have to spend more cash after all. The elation in the beast was catastrophic to the darkness - happiness and goodness had the evil pinned back.

The darkness was a faint haze around Lindsay but I did not have the energy to finish it off. I called out in my mind for  but it chose not to respond. Perhaps I was so weak that I could not connect. I just needed a little help to save my brother and the world. “Voice where are you?” I screamed internally. “Why won’t you help me?”

Onwards to the train we walked. Both us equally weakened and none of us being able to get the upper hand on the other.  Lindsay approached an employee and asked for an upgrade. He hoped that he would be told no in order to reignite the black flame.

Then I heard  again. This time it was not coming from my head, but from the mouth of the station employee. Yes -  had entered the body of the man before us and I could see a celestial glow brighter than the sun itself.

It said “An upgrade is possible and you shall have your own bed”. With each happy and positive word, the celestial force jumped into Lindsay’s soul. The darkness had been banished and only good remained.

I had my brother back.

I went to thank  but it had departed. There, stood only the employee who said “No problem” in his usual Indian twang.