101 Challenges:

Location: Kuala Lumpur

We arrived back in Kuala Lumpur (KL from now on) three days ago for the second time. Things have changed a bit this time around though. We’ve opted to save a little cash (our budget of £20 a day each is absolutely and pathetically out of control, we’re spending at least £30 each and it’s hitting the bank balances hard – note to selves: write a Dear Bank Manager, You’re Amazing letter) and so we’re staying at Charlie’s Oompa Loompa village which comes in the form of The Tropical Guest House in the heart of the city.

No offence to any Oompas out there – we just can’t think of any other way to describe the smallest rooms known to man and woman kind – and living in these for 5 days and nights is bloody uncomfortable.

Not content with us having to suffer beds smaller than a shopping trolley, some mean divine force thought it funny to make us endure one last ditch at Lindsay practicing ice-skating as, tomorrow is the day of our Blades of Thunder Challenge. Oh no.

As you know, we’ve been busy as hell the last few weeks. What with Lindsay Tiger Balming his ass cheeks after too-many-to-count falls and doing other Challenges and drinking – obviously. We decided that now was the time (24 hours prior to the Challenge) to watch the Torvil and Dean Bolero video on YouTube.

Holy crap! There is absolutely no way that we could replicate anything that these majestic and angelic peeps displayed on ice so we’ve decided to interpret it – a cowards way out perhaps?

Two days ago we headed back to Sunway Pyramid to create and finalise our routine and, after numerous falls, we finally came up with a perfect 6.0, 6.0, 6.0… figure skating routine which, we timed, re-timed and timed again to work out at 3 minutes and 27 seconds. To anyone watching it would appear to indeed be a rather pathetically sh*t display of H20 acrobatics and grace, but with Lindsay’s appalling inability to stand, never mind move on ice, it’s the best we could hope for.

Then the day of the Challenge came. Nervous beyond comprehension so the two of us were and with the routine scheduled in at 14:45 hours we decided to head back to the rink for a last ditch attempt at making ourselves look less like time wasting twats and more like simple idiotic fools.

We met with our friend Jenny (aaaaaaaaaaaah Jenny) the gorgeous and heavenly sent ice teacher. She showed us how to extend our legs properly for some of the more “adventurous” manoeuvres and for Lindsay, how to stand more than his current 42% success rate.

14:45. Sh*t. We rushed in to the toilets (glamorous so this 101 Challenge malarkey is you know) and stripped naked to allow us to fit in to the tightest dress (Lee obviously) and the tightest lycra-like trousers and belly flashing top (Lindsay). Now, with the looks of Jane and Chris replicated almost perfectly, it was time to strut our stuff and Bolero our asses like an ass has never been Bolero’d before.

The rink was cleared exclusively for our use – much to the confusion, frustration and bewilderment of the on-looking fellow ice-users and on-looking shoppers.

Silence. Deadly and haunting silence. The lights went down and the crowd looked on. Desperate for some action, a thousand eyes were glaring at us and almost instantaneously we both became desperate for the toilet.

Then, the music blared through the shopping mall’s million watt sound system like thunder and all of a sudden (as if it surprised us) we were expected to dance, prance and more importantly, stay upright for our routine.

Again, and sorry about this, we can’t divulge any more details about the Challenge because it would spoil it for the telly, but, let us tell you this… we bloody rocked that place! The show comes out on the first Sunday afternoon in November on Channel 4 – make sure you watch it.


Huge thanks go out to all the staff of Sunway Pyramid who went out their way to accommodate us and showed the patience of absolute saints throughout. A further thanks and hello goes out to Cynthia (the marketing executive for the place) and Jenny (the miracle working ice trainer) who not only helped us so, so, much but are absolutely stunning. If any of you two read this, Lindsay’s happy for Japanese Rachel to become a Malaysian Cynthia or Jenny.

In preparation for this challenge, we both gave up alcohol – in order to be focused in both the mind and the body for what was ahead of us. Lee lasted 5 days before succumbing to the demon drink. With the skating now behind us and with our bodies exhausted, Lindsay, on his 7th day of wagon-ness, celebrated this self-accomplishing milestone by… getting pissed!