101 Challenges:

Location : Ko Lanta

Today we woke up early and completed the Rumble and Tumble in the Jungle Challenge. Naturally, Lindsay was Tarzan and Lee (all too naturally) was Jane.

        

We had fantastic fun running through the jungles of Thailand after a rather easy trek through the high rising greenery (easy compared to the hell we endured in India). Somehow, during the trek, Lindsay grew to 8 foot tall and increased his body mass by 54%.

He even got to play with his nuts (nothing unusual there) and got to swing from one of our ancestors;

        

It all got a bit too much though – somehow, in the midst of the Thai Bushes, we managed to draw a crowd of over excited Swedes or Austrians (Lindsay can’t tell the difference and so, always asks anyone with a foreign accent if they’re German – usually they reply with “No, I’m Australian” or “No mate, I’m from Birmingham”).

Fearing they had read our previous journals, Lindsay began to worry that they were on a witch hunt to burn him at the stake and so, we both acted in a gesture of friendship - rather than throwing trees at them;

Now, a lot of what we’re doing for this site may come across as simple, stupid, pointless, crap and as no-big-deal. We agree – to a point. But, try and complete a Rumble and Tumble in the Jungle Challenge in 35 degrees of skin-burning heat and 87% humidity. We were fecked! Once you start sweating in Thailand, you can’t stop.

Take the other night for example. There we were, at this rather nice beach restaurant and we spotted a table-tennis-table. Lindsay made the stupid mistake of saying he was virtually a semi-pro at the sport and so Lee challenged him to a game.

Dressed in our finest, we had a quick game. Lindsay lost 11-0 (we didn’t know if it was to 9 or 15 and so settled for a figure in between). Being a pathetic sore loser – Lindsay turned the game into a match and now it was the-best-of-three.

Lee took the next set easily – but Lindsay had a fight in him. The score was 11-4. Predictably, the rules were changed and it was now first-to-three.

Again, Lee thrashed his little brother (not literally) and victoriously took the table-tennis-crown – winning the third set 11-6. Lindsay wanted to play more (best of 70 or so) but couldn’t continue. The sweat that was pouring from every part of his body was torrential. With the bat slipping out of his hands and his drenched feet skidding all over the floor – a health and safety risk assessment was made and so, the match was ended through fear of heart-attack.

Sorry about that – anyhow, back to the Challenge.

Lindsay suffered the wrath of the angry jungle (obviously pissed off at us ridiculing it) and was given a gift of three five-inch rips across the top of his right leg (one of the buggers even splits at the end into another three scores). Further to this, he also gained a new scar on his left leg and a further 2 scrapes to his right shoulder.

We’d love to say that these were nothing (which they are) but no. Lindsay took photographs of his war-wounds and wants to show the World his disfigurements;

The end result (we think) looks absolutely brilliant. Olly, who was so kindly donated to us for free (see previous journals about that one) even played a central role. We, including Olly, can’t wait to see it on the telly.

Still feeling like crap from the drinking night 2 days ago (don’t drink kids – it's bad) we began preparing for the Bond of Brothers Challenge over dinner. As we sat at our table, beautifully set on the beach sand, we had the most stupid conversation anyone had the misfortune to overhear.

The two of us and Mark were acting like over excited school kids with ADHD without prescription medicine – deciding our script and plot and how everything would happen. A lot of whoosh and pow noises were made.

With Tarzan and Jane out of the way, we furthered our preparations for the Bond filming and bought our costumes after finalising the plot. Lee went into town and bought some props. Naturally, as with any Bond film, these included; 3 Bananas, 1 Coconut and 1 Kimono.

Lindsay bought Speedos, a white shirt, a black shirt and borrowed a shovel and spade from Michael. On trying them on for the first time (the trunks, not the tools) as well as feeling like a German tourist, he also feels liberated. He also realises for the first time that he has a fat ass.

This week we have been mostly listening to Johnny Cash – The Greatest Hits.

You see, we brought an MP3 Player with us. 20GB of music to last us the year – with everything from Aqua to the Cheeky Girls – we have over 4000 songs of beautiful splendour to choose from.

But no… Lindsay didn’t bring the correct drivers and software for it to talk to our laptop and so any music we listen to, he always insists that it’s Johnny. Thanks to our mate Iain Brunton who highly recommended this great King for our ears (he too has the same sh*tty lack-of-taste in music as Lindsay).

If Lindsay says one more thing about the greatness of Johnny Bloody Cash, Lee’s going to wrap the laptop which we use to write these journals and subsequently, which we use to listen to our tunes, around his fecking neck!