101 Challenges:

X-Factor International was a tricky one. We were to write our very own original song. This is a tad difficult when you have the musical ability of a tadpole and the singing qualities of a horse’s anus (it’s always nice to write anus).

Writing the thing began in India, way back in January. Lindsay used to write poetry (we know… try not to laugh) and so, it was only natural that he compose a from-the-heart and passionate song. Here’s some of the incredibly gay (no offence to homosexuals here – you lot can probably write a hell of a lot better crap than this) lyrics that he initially penned. Obviously hoping for a Grammy or some “Female Lyricist of the Year” award;

I’m a lost soul searching
You’re a lost soul found
A thousand rocks upon a shore
Out of sight, a thousand more

From out of the dark
In pours the sun
Closing the sad
Opening the fun

I left a home which was no longer mine
She’s the wind
She blows a fury
She can calmly breeze
She’s been everywhere

A solitary man finds a lonely spot
And counts the blessings that he’s got
He thinks to himself
Small man, small land, big sense of adventure
A lonely island, a secluded rock
Never racing against the clock

Everywhere she goes, she brings a party
She brings the will of the sun, sand and see
She puts a smile on everyone around her

Mystical land takes me by the hand
Shows me things I’d never seen
Every sight, a true delight
Beyond my wildest dreams

It’s better to regret what you have done
Than forever regret what you haven’t
Don’t follow, lead
Don’t starve, feed

Absolutely horrifically pathetic. We were actually cringing as we copied these Sonnets from paper to screen. Amazingly though, with the random and slightly scary juices flowing, on the 23rd of June, 2008, Lindsay finally penned the song of his life.

With the amazing help (and even more amazing patience) of Russell Smith, a fellow Scottish back-packer, we finally and miraculously (and over the course of 8 beers each) came up with the following (what we think is an) amazing end result. Lindsay still holds a mental erection over it.

Until the end of time, we’ll always be baffled at how the hell Lindsay came up with a song about a bloody pineapple. Pyschologists would have a field day exploring the insides of his head. But, the song’s great (even if we do say so ourselves) Watch out Leona Lewis!