We met our two trainers who were to teach us all that would be necessary to get in the ring and fight each other in a battle to the death. Well not quite, but 3 rounds at 2 minutes each felt like a fight to the death, especially to Lee who thought a good kicking was about to befall his weakling body.
Both of us were wary of fighting each other. Lindsay thinking how bad he would look if Lee got a lucky punch or kick in. Lee because he thought his pretty little girly featured head would be deformed by a punch from a big brute of a man who’s training had gone to his head. He was so pumped up he was shouting “I’m gonna rip your head off, Lee 'Pretty Face, Please Don’t Hit Me' Vine, I’m gonna beat you up".
With training over and Lee feeling slightly more confident due to Mr Thai Boxer (1953-68) showing him devastating moves of attack, we entered the ring. Lindsay started prancing about practising his attacking and defensive manoeuvres much to the anguish of Lee who realised he'd missed one important factor in training. No defensive training had been taught and, although he could attack, he had no idea of how to stop his pretty little face from being hit.
If you're into Mai Thai - then don't read on - we desecrated it. If though, you ever want to meet the nicest people this earth has to offer, then go to the Mai Thai Institute in Bangkok. The whole day (welcoming, training, equipment and even the ring to ourselves) was put on for free. We offered some cash as a gesture of thanks but the staff declined, and we weren't going to argue with someone who could decapitate any one of us with his little pinky finger;
The bell rang and it was fight time. We both made a gentleman’s agreement before even getting to the gym that there were to be no elbows or punches to the face, neither of us knowing if the other one would stick to it. We hoped that if we mutually obeyed this, then neither of us would end up looking like the elephant man for a couple of weeks. However, being brothers and equally conniving, we knew one of us would break this agreement.
Within 4 seconds of round one, Lee, conveniently, forgot the above and smacked Lindsay square in the face with a right hook.
“Is that so?” Lindsay thought and managed a rather polite “Good Punch Bro”. Within the next 4 seconds and for the remainder of the fight all hell broke loose in the ring and a brawl commenced - much to the dissapointment of all the staff who looked after us that day - we had turned this ancient and elegant art into a street fight - pulling hair, biting and scratching.
Every tactic and training method we had learned earlier that day went out of the window. 3 rounds of mayhem ensued. The result remains a secret but let’s just say it was an amazing fight. The adrenalin was pumping so much that we did not feel the punches or kicks in pain but by how loud they sounded and how much our bodies crumpled.
There could be only one winner. That winner was announced and he rejoiced until the loser pointed out the consequence of victory...
Biatch Fight
The brother who won the fight got to go on and fight a girly boxer. Well, we say girlie boxer but she is a professional lady boxer so we say girlie here hoping she will never ever read this. We, unfortunately, never got her name, but she was brilliant! Totally up for the fun of the day and smacked a few good punches and kicks to the head of one of us.
This was perhaps a bit unfair due to the fact she used both hands and her legs, the one of us had one of his hands tied behind his back and wasn't allowed to kick or knee, or headbutt or pull out a weapon. But we are both hard Scottish lads and although we would never hit a girl this was no ordinary girl. She was like that girl from Street Fighter that does spinning upside down kicks - Chun Li? So knowing this we were allowed to and more so importantly, expected to fight. The result is too gory to document here.
And here we are with the folk at the Institute, the girl looks amazing - great smile, gorgeous eyes and perfect teeth, but look at the size of her - she could easily eat us for breakfast, thankfully she was a nice spirited soul;
The day was great and it was also helping us get into shape for our Temple Bodies challenge. Talking of which Lee has continued to work reasonably hard and Lindsay says he has a master plan.
In his life-long and futile quest of losing weight and fiting into a size 30 pair of trousers, Lindsay decided to go to stick a water pump where the sun doesn't shine, although he'll tell you it shines directly from here. Yes, he went for Colonic Irrigation.
Lee was disturbed, sickened and yet still amused enough to take a couple of pics at his happy go lucky brother. Lindsay had thought this would be an ideal weight loser for the Temple Bodies challenge but, much to his sheer anger and dissapointment, he actually put on an ounce.
This (yet again) stupid idea of Lindsay's was carried out Carlsberg Hospital in Bangkok. We call it Carslberg Hospital because Carlsberg don't do hospitals but if they did they'd be the best in the world... definitely.
98.2% of the staff were female. All within the 18-31 age range. All amazingly stunning and more imprtantly, 34% of them were flying around the wards on... wait for it... roller blades. Try and picture this, you're waiting with your brother to have a straw stuck up a bum hole and all around you are beautiful women floating around in mini skirts and roller blades - if only we were allowed to take pictures - we'd never have left.
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