E4 Music:

When I was told by E4 that they wanted me to write a blog, my immediate reaction was 'how much?’ After fierce negotiations, they agreed to pay me by the word, so sit back while I give you an insight into how my mind works; it’s a strange place, but I’m sure you’ll grow to be only mildly terrified. 
 
I blame Hawkings
Finished Stephen Hawkings’ ‘A Brief History of Time’ on the tube on the way to work. He explains that time is elastic, so I took some time out to watch pigeons on the park. Were 3 and a half hour late for work. Thanks a lot Stephen.

Moustaches
When I interviewed up and coming band ‘The Hoosiers’, I noticed that as well as being very nice boys indeed, their drummer Alfonso has a moustache that would have made Stalin blush. I’ve concluded that moustaches are becoming more and more influential to the success of new bands. You can have all the talent and all the attitude in the world, but without a good moustache you’re dead in the water.

Enrique Iglesias
I think it’s fair to say that Enrique and I are now best friends. We bonded over his love of my Mancunian accent. I taught him the word ‘hangin’ (meaning something’s horrible) and the phrase ‘Paul Scholes is a fox in the box’. He even gave me his e-mail, it’s Enrique@hotmail.com

‘New Grave’
I’m really pleased with my look at the moment. I’m calling it ‘New Grave’. It consists of black skinny jeans, dark shirt, black socks...I’m thinking of calling myself ‘The Shadow’.  

Hair
As for the hair, it has attracted many comments including:
“feral” – outraged vicar
“It’s making my baby cry” – outraged mother
And
“Who thought of that question you or your hair?” – Dylan Moran, at the junket for ‘Run Fat Boy Run’ (that actually happened).

JLo (or Jennifer Lopez as she must now be called).
Jennifer Lopez is beautiful. She’s so beautiful, she looks like a cartoon. I loved her in ‘Maid in Manhattan’ and I almost became a maid in a travel lodge in Maidenhead, before E4 picked me out of obscurity. She tells me I look like someone out of Tears for Fears, which I take as a compliment. Interestingly she’s decided against wearing Jade Goody’s fragrance ‘Shh’ and has gone for her own ‘Glow’. As a result the whole room smells, like ‘orange flower, grapefruit, and tones of bright citrus’ or... Tropicana.

That’s it for now. To be honest I haven’t even scratched the surface, it’s just that being a music/media type I’ve got music to listen to and gigs to attend, and as part of E4’s new ‘Care in the Community’ initiative I agreed to lunch with some tramps outside the studios. At least you know a little bit about what goes on under that ‘feral’ barnet and new grave clobber. From now on I’ll keep you updated when I get the chance.