Big Brother:

Here I am as the new Celebrity Hijacker

The great thing about Big Brother is it’s real. They hate each other, they love each other. It shows raw emotion and that’s what Big Brother’s about. It brings out the real people, whether they are acting or not is for other people to judge. There’s no scripts for them and positions to take. They come out as themselves.

I think I am the only person that’s been a housemate, that’s ever hosted Big Brother’s Big Mouth, and now I am becoming a Celebrity Hijacker. It’s great to be on the other side. I know what they are going through.

I’d like to mentally test the housemates whilst I am the Celebrity Hijacker, especially as they are so bright. No one is hating each other or saying bitchy remarks. So I want to try and bring out what bitchiness there has been and let one housemate know it and see if I can stir things up by setting a very clever task. But in the end I want to be very sympathetic to what they are going through as it’s very very tough in there and most people don’t realise.

Out of the housemates, I really feel Anthony is the stallion of the group. He’s got the muscles and is a boxer. Jade is the mare of the group, she’s the beauty queen but she has got very irritating habits. I am not surprised she has been nominated.

The trouble with the women in the house is that none of them are really developed. Emelia’s got no chest at all. I could never sleep with a woman with no chest. That’s the one problem with these housemates; they need a big-breasted girl.

Personally I am looking forward to seeing how things work from the other side. They’ve put me in this magnificent caravan thing. I forget what they call it, a ‘wine bago’ or a ‘winey – bago’. You could imagine all the film stars that have been in here. They have even gone and got me some diet coke. Just think, the great Russell Brand and Matt Lucas have been in here. I am honoured to be in such luxury.

That’s all for now. I shall hopefully be able to report back on my time as a Celebrity Hijacker later on today.

Until then

Farewell

John

P.S. I thought briefly of bringing my wife ‘Booby’ down today, but it’s actually nice to get away from her for the day. She is clinging on. It’s actually delightful to get her out of the way…