Loads of you have enjoyed playing with our bits, so we had a bit of a fiddle and have erected a new level. Now you can play as Celestia, as you rescue Jack and his Marines from their balls up and get to fight a brand new STI. You're going to have to shoot a load, before someone shoots their load...
As ever, it's free and ready to download to your hard drive right now! Even if you've already got Privates on your PC, you'll need to download this new version to get the full shebang.
SPOILER ALERT: The new level is a massive cock.
It's all pleasant-feeling and squishy and tingly and what-have-you.
Trouble is, if you're not careful about how you go about it, you can catch some pretty unpleasant infections off people, which can make your bits ooze an unpleasantly smelly discharge, or can completely screw up your insides. Delightful!
Thank the stars then for John "Jack" Sterling, worn-down Captain of the oh-so-useless 'Foxtrot Squad'. It's up to you to take charge and lead your squad in and around people's private parts, clearing them of all manner of pesky and dangerous critters, oozes and bosses.
Blast away at various different enemies in all sorts of crazy, sometimes fragrant, locations!
Fully-voiced, funny, silly script!
Five whole levels! (And now an extra one that's not in a hole)
You know how you wouldn't write a history essay based on your experiences playing a World War II shooter? Well, Privates is a bit like that - while the action takes place in and around peoples' parts, the anatomy is in no way biologically accurate. We've had to make loads of concessions in order to make the game fun to play. There's still loads of important stuff to take from Privates. Just be sensible about which bits, eh?
All you need to play Privates is a relatively-decent Windows computer with a graphics card that's capable of Shader 2.0. (You may need to right-click and 'save as', depending on your computer set-up).