Chris
I'm Chris.
I'm 18.
I go to college.
I hold the world record for the number of apples under 4-inches circumference you can eat. This is part of the unofficial world records - ones Guinness won't allow you to know about because they are too pussy - because they don't like records which can damage you for life, you know, make you ill and that. Anyway, I ate 268 apples in one sitting in order to hold the record.
I shat stones for a week. Or that's how I remember it. But that was better than Mr Nyama who got really ill and started vomiting blood.
The thing about fish only having a four-second memory is a lie. My fish still remember me doing the world record - I know this because every time they see an apple they turn in the opposite direction. Even fish that weren't alive when I did the world record know to turn away
If I could be anyone I'd either be me, or Mr Nyama. You should meet him, he's wicked. He's got the 5 inch record. But he won't tell me his first name.
I believe in love. But I really like how my love is not like your love.
AMBITIONS: I met a guy who lived in a bin once. I don't want to live in a bin though, but, there's something good about that I think. Either that or the 6 inch record.
BANDS: 1970s emo. Early 1980s costume pop. Anything with polyester in the title. And the Ataris.
TELEVISION: Television is pointless. It is a box with images in. Has no-one ever thought how fucked-up that is? A box holding loads of images that you can just flick between. It's not trippy, it's wrong.
WEBSITES: www.lunchboxing.com/
feat_holidogs2.shtml. RJ particularly rocks. http://www.babytoupee.com/
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