Chris
I'm Chris.
I'm 18.
I go to college.
I hold the world record for the number of apples under 4-inches circumference you can eat. This is part of the unofficial world records - ones Guinness won't allow you to know about because they are too pussy - because they don't like records which can damage you for life, you know, make you ill and that. Anyway, I ate 268 apples in one sitting in order to hold the record.
I shat stones for a week. Or that's how I remember it. But that was better than Mr Nyama who got really ill and started vomiting blood.
The thing about fish only having a four-second memory is a lie. My fish still remember me doing the world record - I know this because every time they see an apple they turn in the opposite direction. Even fish that weren't alive when I did the world record know to turn away
If I could be anyone I'd either be me, or Mr Nyama. You should meet him, he's wicked. He's got the 5 inch record. But he won't tell me his first name.
I believe in love. But I really like how my love is not like your love.
AMBITIONS: I met a guy who lived in a bin once. I don't want to live in a bin though, but, there's something good about that I think. Either that or the 6 inch record.
BANDS: 1970s emo. Early 1980s costume pop. Anything with polyester in the title. And the Ataris.
TELEVISION: Television is pointless. It is a box with images in. Has no-one ever thought how fucked-up that is? A box holding loads of images that you can just flick between. It's not trippy, it's wrong.
WEBSITES: www.lunchboxing.com/
feat_holidogs2.shtml. RJ particularly rocks. http://www.babytoupee.com/
Chris's blog
Posted on 20/12/2007
Right...Don't really feel like doing this today (my mouth feels like an old ladies coat), but I've got half an hour to kill and Michelle's been on at me for ages about updating it. So here's a questionnaire I found in an old folk vinyl I got from Plastic Wax. Read on...Do you live like there is no tomorrow? My mate Bob's an amnesiac. He can only remember things for 45 minutes or less. There’s literally no tomorrow for him. Only now. I've adopted that worldview in solidarity.
Do you blast your jets easily?
Only after a curry
What's your talent?
Ribbon dancing. It’s absolutely brilliant, all these bendy girls expressing emotions through movement and bits of string. I mean, I've not tried it yet, but I've rehearsed a lot in my head. A lot
Do you believe we live in a cruel world?
Joan of Arc, Steve Biko, John Proctor, Heather Mills...Need I go on?
Are you doing your best to change it?
I smile a lot. And people smile back. It’s contagious, like a lovely sort of gonorrhea.
Have you ever had a date deep-six you?
I really, really, really don’t like the sound of that.
When on a date do you always go to the powderbox to plant the platterpuss?
Who doesn’t?
Who chained you?
A Naughty Gorgeous Image of E legance
Can you break loose?
I'm trying.
Can we get together for an evening of poetry?
Sorry, I'm washing my hair that night.
When?
See above...
Peace Love and Fucking,
Chris.
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